How'd They Do That?!

Legend has it that if you fold 1000 paper cranes you get a free wish. I better get started then. I'll let you know how it goes... :)

Make or Break

Sometimes I wish I had a yellow brick road to know where I was supposed to go next. Although Dorothy faced certain danger, at least she knew that road would lead her to the Wizard of Oz. I have no yellow bricks, no wizard, no ruby slippers. Somewhere over the rainbow I have to make some tough decisions, and soon. I've been home for almost a month now and I still have no idea what I'm going to do and where I'll end up going. I'm frustrated and scared. But at the same time I'm beginning to get a little numb. Have you ever been so overwhelmed with options that you don't know what to do? Have you ever felt like shutting down? How long is a person supposed to sit back and wait? Do I have the strength to keep myself going without a plan?

I don't have any of these answers. Life would be a lot easier if I did.

My Newest Venture- Via GrowingBolder.com

Two Voices Separated By 1 Generation

THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

Why would a woman my age love to watch the TV shows "Cheaters" and "Cops"? I'll tell you the truth. I love to see people getting caught in their lies. And not so much the lies they tell others but the lies they tell themselves. Think about it. If someone is breaking the law they first have to convince themselves that whatever they are doing is worth enough to perhaps land them in jail. And if they are cheating they must first convince themselves that the other person is worth enough to justify hurting someone they had pledged to be faithful to forever. And that's what I love to watch. The justifications, pontifications, and self-delusions melt away as the criminals and cheaters come face to face with what they have done. Perhaps this is so important because lies have been and are still a big part of my life. My mom lied that she was drinking, my dad lied that he was interested in me, and I lied right back. I told my mother I hadn't eaten the sugar cookies and told my father he was the only one I would ever love. These lies followed me for years. They followed me through the Adkins diet, the grapefruit diet, Metrocal, and Weight Watchers. They followed me through every narcissistic man in my life I dated or married.

Lies. I hate them yet I held them close far too long. Unfortunately, no crew with cameras showed up at my door to shove them in my face forcing me to acknowledge my hypocrisy. I had to fight the image in the mirror every morning and believe that the truth would set me free. My early training and society did little to help but with therapy and spirituality the lies began to stop. And when that began to happen I did experience a sense of freedom. It was the freedom to finally admit who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted to be with. But I still love "Cops" and "Cheaters".

Deedra Hunter is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist with the LifeWorks Group, Inc. in Winter Park, FL. She has over 20 years of experience serving her clients needs and has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children.

________________________________________________________________

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies-

While Deedra has "Cheaters" and "Cops" to indulge in I have a show called the "Moment of Truth". This program pits people against a lie detector machine. They are asked a series of 50 questions which are tailored to the individual player. I would never go on this show for one reason. I am a liar.

When we are little we are taught a lie is not nice and, consequently, we will get in trouble for telling one. But then one day we learn that a fib or "white lie" is told to protect someone’s feelings. While this was confusing to us as children “white” lies are something we take advantage of on a daily basis.

Deedra and I have been discussing the topic of lies for at least two weeks. Until just today, I was altogether unaware of how often people lie to each other. Why do we do it? I think the answer is simple. We lie to protect our feelings and the feelings of others.

Yesterday I sat down with my mother, my aunt, and my 17 year old cousin and suddenly the discussion turned to lying. They had no idea that this had been a topic heavy on my mind as of late. My cousin told me about “convenience” lies. “What’s that?” I asked. He gave the example of telling someone you have no more room in your car when in reality you don’t want to take that particular person with you. I had never heard of such a thing! But then I sat back and thought that maybe he was spot on. I see today's teens use these convenience lies in almost every conversation. “ Do you like my new shirt?", "Oh, it's super cute." And then they will immediately turn around and tell someone else how hideous they think it is.

I've certainly had this scenario play out many times in my life. I will fully admit to fibbing when someone asks me if I liked their brownies and I didn't. I've sat in on work meetings and kept my opinions to myself. I know now that is like lying by omission. I didn't want to face the feared impact of my honest words so I chose to keep my mouth shut. Just to be clear, I regret all those things, but they are too late to take back now. All I can do is try my hardest not to do them again.

Deedra had a great thought. Maybe we people below 30 lie so much because our generation has grown up in an era of being "PC"- politically correct. We are afraid to tell people what we really think because there could be real legal problems to handle. We don't want to rock this boat because most of us don't have the knowledge to deal with the consequences of our words. It's easier to tell a lie. Not right, mind you, just easier. We dance around the truth all day long and most of us probably don't even know we're doing it! Maybe some of us are simply not nice, but I think that most are trying to save face and/or be agreeable.

This subject has definitely caused me to look at my daily life and admit that I lie more often than I'd like too. My very wise aunt had a great point. She said that ultimately all that lying will start to eat away at your soul. Now, I know that is 100% the truth.

~Elizabeth Whittemore

There's No Place Like Home

In the immortal words of Judy Garland, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home!"

Sometimes while I was on the other side of the planet I wished I could click my heels together and fly far, far away, come retro twister or the wave of a magic wand. Instead I took a two hour flight to Mumbai, a 9 hour flight to Brussels, an 8 hour flight to Newark and then a 3 hour car ride back to my home town of Simsbury, Ct. I have been home for week now, and it has been, on the whole, incredible. But surprisingly enough, it has been extremely overwhelming. Everyone is asking how the transition, from living in a developing country to coming back to ideal suburbia, has been. One friend equated it to coming back from war. While I was fortunate enough to not have to deal with extremes in that sense, I understand what he meant. The first night I was home, I got changed into pj pants and a sweatshirt, because I had gone from 99 degree weather, to 7 degree weather in a little over 24 hrs. After I brushed my teeth before going to bed, I was in the bathroom and slowly turned my head to the right. "I can take a hot shower. Right now, if I want to," I thought to myself. To me, at this moment, to was like a gift from God. In India, I never knew if we were going to have water at all, let along power to heat it up. So I took a shower. An honest to God, standing up, hot steaming, full streaming, shower. And ya know what? I took another one in the morning, just because I knew I could.

The first time I drank water from the fridge, I hestitated. I almost asked my mother if it had been filtered. Then I realized that it was once again safe to drink it right from the tap. I only did that once in India, and once was enough. I was sick for three days. Blech. On Saturday morning, I saw the first on many friends. We stopped at a Dunken Donuts on the way to our destination. Not only was I already excited that I got to wear a seat belt in the car, but I smiled to myself when I didn't hear anything outside the car. It was blissfully quiet. Not one single honk from another vehicle all day long. But the real kicker came when I went inside Dunken Donuts to order food. It was the first time in 6 months, that I knew what would happen for sure. I would pay with American dollars, recieve mundane American service, and eat my bagel and cream cheese like it was nobody's business. Directly after I ordered, I stepped to the side to wait for my things, and I glanced down to see a napkin dispenser. I had never been so excited in all of my life to see such an ordinary object. I literally got tears in my eyes. My friends immediatedly saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I told them nothing, that this ordinary napkin dispenser had made me so happy because it was not common in India. If I went to a restaurant, I wasn't even allowed to place my own napkin in my lap. And if I went to a local hole in the wall, they didn't gave you napkins. Now, here I was, in a Dunken Donuts, eating a dairy product that didn't make me nervous and touching whatever I damn well pleased without thinking about immediately applying hand sanitizer. Being home felt so freeing.

A week later, I am still taking things slowly. I have now driven for the first time, eaten meat for the first time, and am sleeping on a pretty normal schedule. I miss Brandon very much. I know he'll be home in a few weeks, but being apart is not something I plan on doing ever again. I look forward to appreciating everything we are so lucky to have. I make a conscious effort to be thankful for all the little things we take for granted. I learned more than I could have ever imagined in India. And I know that I will take those experiences with me, wherever I may go next.