Two Voices Separated By 1 Generation

THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

Why would a woman my age love to watch the TV shows "Cheaters" and "Cops"? I'll tell you the truth. I love to see people getting caught in their lies. And not so much the lies they tell others but the lies they tell themselves. Think about it. If someone is breaking the law they first have to convince themselves that whatever they are doing is worth enough to perhaps land them in jail. And if they are cheating they must first convince themselves that the other person is worth enough to justify hurting someone they had pledged to be faithful to forever. And that's what I love to watch. The justifications, pontifications, and self-delusions melt away as the criminals and cheaters come face to face with what they have done. Perhaps this is so important because lies have been and are still a big part of my life. My mom lied that she was drinking, my dad lied that he was interested in me, and I lied right back. I told my mother I hadn't eaten the sugar cookies and told my father he was the only one I would ever love. These lies followed me for years. They followed me through the Adkins diet, the grapefruit diet, Metrocal, and Weight Watchers. They followed me through every narcissistic man in my life I dated or married.

Lies. I hate them yet I held them close far too long. Unfortunately, no crew with cameras showed up at my door to shove them in my face forcing me to acknowledge my hypocrisy. I had to fight the image in the mirror every morning and believe that the truth would set me free. My early training and society did little to help but with therapy and spirituality the lies began to stop. And when that began to happen I did experience a sense of freedom. It was the freedom to finally admit who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted to be with. But I still love "Cops" and "Cheaters".

Deedra Hunter is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist with the LifeWorks Group, Inc. in Winter Park, FL. She has over 20 years of experience serving her clients needs and has also published a book called; Winning Custody: A Woman’s Guide to Retaining Custody of Her Children.

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Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies-

While Deedra has "Cheaters" and "Cops" to indulge in I have a show called the "Moment of Truth". This program pits people against a lie detector machine. They are asked a series of 50 questions which are tailored to the individual player. I would never go on this show for one reason. I am a liar.

When we are little we are taught a lie is not nice and, consequently, we will get in trouble for telling one. But then one day we learn that a fib or "white lie" is told to protect someone’s feelings. While this was confusing to us as children “white” lies are something we take advantage of on a daily basis.

Deedra and I have been discussing the topic of lies for at least two weeks. Until just today, I was altogether unaware of how often people lie to each other. Why do we do it? I think the answer is simple. We lie to protect our feelings and the feelings of others.

Yesterday I sat down with my mother, my aunt, and my 17 year old cousin and suddenly the discussion turned to lying. They had no idea that this had been a topic heavy on my mind as of late. My cousin told me about “convenience” lies. “What’s that?” I asked. He gave the example of telling someone you have no more room in your car when in reality you don’t want to take that particular person with you. I had never heard of such a thing! But then I sat back and thought that maybe he was spot on. I see today's teens use these convenience lies in almost every conversation. “ Do you like my new shirt?", "Oh, it's super cute." And then they will immediately turn around and tell someone else how hideous they think it is.

I've certainly had this scenario play out many times in my life. I will fully admit to fibbing when someone asks me if I liked their brownies and I didn't. I've sat in on work meetings and kept my opinions to myself. I know now that is like lying by omission. I didn't want to face the feared impact of my honest words so I chose to keep my mouth shut. Just to be clear, I regret all those things, but they are too late to take back now. All I can do is try my hardest not to do them again.

Deedra had a great thought. Maybe we people below 30 lie so much because our generation has grown up in an era of being "PC"- politically correct. We are afraid to tell people what we really think because there could be real legal problems to handle. We don't want to rock this boat because most of us don't have the knowledge to deal with the consequences of our words. It's easier to tell a lie. Not right, mind you, just easier. We dance around the truth all day long and most of us probably don't even know we're doing it! Maybe some of us are simply not nice, but I think that most are trying to save face and/or be agreeable.

This subject has definitely caused me to look at my daily life and admit that I lie more often than I'd like too. My very wise aunt had a great point. She said that ultimately all that lying will start to eat away at your soul. Now, I know that is 100% the truth.

~Elizabeth Whittemore